Travel has always been part of who I am. I’ve always been a curious traveller, deeply passionate about discovering the world. I started flying in my early years of University, spending every single penny I had on seeing new destinations, applying for scholarships that would allow me to see places I couldn’t afford otherwise. I literally never settled: I’ve been living, working or studying in 8 cities across Europe and the US. Being based in a suitcase has always been something that fits my lifestyle and feeds my soul.
And then I became a mother. I wrote here about the challenges I faced as a full-time working mother. Not little was my surprise when I discovered that being a travelling mother is equally challenging and unpredictable.
Travel with kids: the beginnings
Before I gave birth, I was sure I will be that cool babywearing mother that hikes in Asia with a 4-months old. After all, both me and my partner were passionate travellers. What could possibly go wrong?! Oh well, quite a lot of things.
First, we didn’t fully grasp the complexity of taking care of a baby whose life depends on you, quite literally. For the first months, not only did we not travel internationally – I was mortified by the mere idea of going out by myself with the baby. Driving alone with him in his child seat was of course out of question for me.
Secondly, we completely underestimated the quantity of luggage you need when travelling with a baby. When kiddo was 5 weeks, we became “adventurous” (to be read I had the option to go some place or go crazy). We decided to travel locally. Said and done, we went to Sinaia, which is 120km away from Bucharest. Looking at our luggage, it seemed utterly impossible for us to travel internationally.
Last and maybe most important of all, we were completely discouraged by people around us who were telling us that there’s no way we’re going to be able to travel like we used to. We received plenty of unsolicited advice (more on this here) and we started second guessing ourselves more often than not and wondering whether we’re ever going to be able to travel again.
Fast-forward to today, I’ve written this article from a beach in Mauritius. My 3 years and 5 months old toddler has visited 3 continents, 11 countries, 17 cities and 7 different islands. And we don’t plan to stop anytime soon. I decided to write this to debunk the myths that have been repeatedly shared with me as arguments not to travel together. It’s these myths and these albeit well-intentioned people that hold us back and made for a rocky and insecure start of our family travels.
Myth 1: You’re Tormenting Your Child
If I had a cent for every time I heard this, I’d be a millionaire now. It’s a common misconception that you’re putting your kid in distress if you’re changing their environment. To some extent, there’s some truth to this. When you’re travelling with your kid, you’re changing the environment they’re used to and disrupting their routines. They change homes, sleep in another bed, have to adapt to a different timezone, the food tastes different, you might miss their bed time.
But here comes the thing. We live in a world that’s rapidly changing. Resilience is a key skill to have, personally and professionally. So how do we plan to raise adaptable, flexible, resilient adults if we keep them stuck in routines throughout their childhood?
Resilience it’s not something that just emerges out of nowhere. Resilience is built and learnt. As human beings, we are wired to operate within predefined patterns. We are resistant to change and stuck in confort zones, afraid of making changes. To my surprise, I discovered that the biggest challenge when travelling with kids is not the child’s ability to adapt. It’s our own. It’s not harder for them when we travel – it’s harder for us, sometimes.
This is in no way an argument not to travel, but a pledge to work on ourselves and raise resilient human beings, prepared for the future ahead. You are not putting your kid in distress when travelling. You’re pushing your own limits and getting out of the confort zones, learning to adapt and growing together. And if this is not an argument to travel together, I don’t know what is.
Myth 2: You’re just going to be taking care of kids in a different location
From the moment you become a parent, you will be taking care of your kid(s) all your life. You get no break. You are taking care of your kid at home, when travelling, even when you work or you’re away from them. So yes, basically you will be taking care of your kid(s) everywhere you go.
But here comes the thing: “in a different location” weighs a lot in this equation. There’s a very big difference between taking care of your kid at home and doing it when you’re away. It’s one thing to wake up knowing you have to prepare breakfast, clean up, dress the little one(s) and take them out versus wake up, go have breakfast together in a restaurant and head to the beach. While routines are definitely not the same, convenience is key here. For you, as a parent, this means that you can do other things besides taking care of your kids / work: you get to relax a bit, away from the daily chores, you discover new places and create meaningful memories together. And this is so much more than just taking care of your kid(s).
Myth 3: They don’t remember anything
And neither do you! This is by far my favorite one of all the arguments used against travelling with kids. Do you actually remember the details of your first trip abroad? Or what you did in the summer of 2009? Chances are you don’t! And still, you travelled and you hopefully had an amazing time.
If we use this as an argument, your kid(s) won’t remember their first years of their lives. So why do you care about the activities you do with them, where they go to kindergarten or what presents Santa brings them this year? They won’t remember it anyway, right? Maybe they don’t, but the experiences they have shape the adults they will become. The same holds true for travelling.
Travel is not about creating long-lasting memories, it’s about the experiences you have in the moment, about creating that special connections with yourself, your family, nature. And you don’t need to remember every single part of your holiday – just to live a bit and enjoy every second of it. Oh, and by the way, my kid is 3.5 years old now and he still remembers his trip to the Seychelles, how he fed the giant turtles and how he drank juice from a coconut watching the ocean. He was 1 year and 9 months old back then, and the fact that he still remembers that trip is astonishing to me. I couldn’t ask for more.
Myth 4: Location doesn’t make any difference for them
I hear time and again “He’s just three, he doesn’t make any difference between Bulgaria and the Maldives”. This argument is not just nonsense, it’s actually an offense to your kid’s intelligence and perception, by the way. Are you able to make a difference between McDonald’s and a Michelin restaurant? There’s no comparison between the two, as there’s no comparison between two different places on the planet.
Location does make a difference and seeing more places helps the little ones better comprehend the diversity of the world. Children that travel are not only more resilient, they are also more perceptive. They understand that people are different, nature is different, the animals they get to see are different. All this variety of experiences makes them truly understand and internalise diversity. It makes them curious about the world around them and eager to explore it.
Myth 5: Children get sick all the time
“What if they get sick?” Out of all the arguments, this was the one that hold me back the most. Truth is children do get sick more frequently than adults and the course of their disease can oftentimes be unpredictable.
Unfortunately we have a fair share of experiences here: ear infection in Vienna, RSV in Tenerife, food poisoning in the Seychelles, and some more. The good part is that you can take some precautions to be prepared to handle the unpredictable, wherever you are.
First, make sure you take the pharmacy with you – we always travel with medicines for the most frequent childhood diseases. This helps a lot, particularly when you don’t have easy access to a hospital / pediatrician.
Secondly, make sure you stay in touch with your kid’s doctor. We are really grateful to our absolutely wonderful family doctor and our pediatrician, who are always there for us, supporting us remotely and offering remote consults when required.
Last, but definitely not least, do your homework. A little bit of research goes a long way for peace of mind. I always search for the closest hospitals / pediatricians to be prepared in case things go south. Also, choosing your destination based on the quality of its healthcare system will help you be more relaxed. The good part here if you’re coming from Romania is that a lot of destinations check this criteria: not only most of Europe, but also parts of Asia and even Africa. I avoided remote destinations for a long time after starting travelling together, for the sake of my mental sanity.
Travelling with kids is not easy…
While I am a big advocate for travelling with kids, things are not always pink and shiny. Quite on the contrary, travelling with kids is really hard at times. Not hard for the kids, but hard for the parents. Ironically, it gets harder as they become opinionated toddlers and hopefully easier later on (one can still hope, I only have firsthand experience with my 3 years old).
Your kid will show temper tantrums at times, same as he does at home. The little one might be more cranky than usual in more active holidays, when you’re moving around and visiting new things. In this context, you might loose your patience and feel overwhelmed – it happens to the best of us.
Here are a couple of tips to help you have a smooth holiday:
- Set realistic expectations. You’ll most likely not going to be able to do as many things as you did before. Unrealistic expectations can lead to a lot of frustration, so make sure you calibrate your holiday schedule to the needs of the little one(s);
- Switch your focus from doing to being. Focus on the experiences you’re having together, instead of creating a list of things to check. Otherwise, you’ll end up running around from one place to another, managing the tamper tantrums of your kid(s), yourself and your travel partners;
- Tailor your schedule to your kid’s interests and needs. You might be a passionate hitchhiker, a beach enthusiast, a museum lover or a foodie. You can of course share these passions with your kid and get them interested in the things you love. But they also need to be able to choose and they have their own interests that you should listen to. In the end, it’s their holiday too. And the good part is that their interests change over time, so you won’t get bored. We are stuck with our hobbies and routines – theirs evolve and being able to witness this is fantastic. In our almost 3 years of travelling together, my kid’s interests evolved from feeding and seeing animals, to fishing, swimming in the sea, boat trips, and the recently acquired passion for dolphins and whales. We always make sure to have on our agenda things that are interesting and fascinating for him and we build stories around these, to keep him engaged.
- Travel with other people. When it’s just the three of us, things get boring at times. We always make sure to save a couple of hours daily when one of the adults is doing things on their own and the other is spending time with kiddo. Needless to say, grandparents are a blessing and travelling together is a great gift for us all – grandparents enjoy the time with us and we get some time for ourselves, as adults. I found that travelling with other families or friends is also great, since the kid gets to spend time and connect with other people.
- Find a travel agency you trust for a holiday with no surprises. We used to organise our travels on our own and I enjoyed the process (my nickname is travelzilla). However, once we started travelling with kiddo, we needed the extra peace of mind that you have when someone trustworthy handles everything for you. While we still go on DIY holidays in Europe, we always rely on our now friends from Fresh Holidays for other destinations. Finding them was a breath of fresh air for me – I love the fact that they do “on-demand holidays”, catering to your needs, preferences and budgets, instead of just making you choose from a pre-defined list. Over time, Cosmin, Diana & Adi from Fresh Holidays became more than our travel agency – they are our trusted advisors, helping us choose the best destinations, hotels and routes for our family.
… but it’s the best gift for your family
Money spent on travel is money wisely spent – for us, it’s the highest return investment since it brings us memories. Yes, travelling with kids is challenging and annoying at times. In the same time, it’s a wonderful experience that helps you connect with each other, while you discover the world together.
I‘ve written this article for all the new parents out there that are struggling to travel in the new formula. Just do it! Travel as much as you can afford and don’t be discouraged by all the unsolicited advice out there. Follow your heart and live those unforgettable experiences with your family. And if you can’t or just don’t want to travel, that’s perfectly fine too – just do whatever works best for you and your family, but don’t let anyone else hold you back.